In today’s fast-paced world, the pressure to conform to societal expectations has become a silent burden that many carry. As a psychologist and NLP coach, I frequently work with individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, and emotional distress, all of which are often deeply rooted in societal norms. But these expectations are not just external; over time, they become hardwired into our thinking and behaviour, shaping our identity in ways we are often unaware of, often leading to Mental Health Struggles.
The Weight of Expectations and Internalised Hardwiring
Society defines a set of rules—standards for success, beauty, relationships, and career paths—that we are expected to follow. These norms are introduced to us at a young age, through family, school, and media, becoming the lens through which we view ourselves and others. Over time, they aren't just expectations; they become internalised, hardwired into our unconscious mind. We start to believe that these standards define our worth, leading to emotional struggles when we fail to meet them.
For instance, men are conditioned to suppress their emotions and project strength, while women are often expected to prioritise caregiving and self-sacrifice. Non-binary individuals, or those questioning their gender identity, face an even harsher reality, as society tries to fit them into rigid categories. These expectations become ingrained in how we perceive ourselves, leading to an internal conflict between our true identity and the roles we feel compelled to play.
What’s crucial to understand is that this process happens so subtly that we often don’t even realise the extent to which we’ve internalised these norms. The result? Individuals struggle with mental health issues such as anxiety, stress, and a pervasive sense of inadequacy, not because they are incapable, but because they are conditioned to believe they aren’t enough when they don’t conform.
Mental Health Struggle due to Internalised Societal Norms
Internalising societal expectations comes with a heavy emotional cost. When individuals consistently try to live up to these deeply ingrained norms, they experience chronic stress and feelings of failure. This is especially true for those who deviate from conventional paths—whether by choice or circumstance.
For instance, I have worked with many clients who, despite achieving significant success in their personal or professional lives, feel unfulfilled. Why? Because the standards they are trying to meet are not their own but society’s. This internal conflict leads to constant self-doubt and low self-worth.
A young woman may have been raised to believe that success means getting married and having children by a certain age. If she chooses a different path, even if it aligns with her true desires, she may feel anxious, as though she’s somehow failing. These emotions arise not from her choices but from the deep-rooted belief that society’s definition of success must be followed.
Another poignant example is the struggle faced by individuals in the LGBTQ+ community. Societal expectations about gender identity and sexuality are so deeply embedded that even within supportive environments, they may wrestle with internalised shame or rejection. They’re not just confronting external judgement—they’re battling the unconscious belief that they are somehow wrong for not fitting in.
How Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Helps Rewire Internalised Beliefs
Breaking free from this hardwired conditioning is a complex process, but it is possible. One of the most effective tools I use is Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), which helps individuals recognize and rewire their unconscious beliefs, many of which have been shaped by societal norms.
NLP techniques allow individuals to explore these internalised expectations and identify where they came from. Often, just understanding the origin of these beliefs is the first step to breaking free. For example, someone who believes they must always be perfect may discover that this belief was instilled during childhood, either through parental pressure or societal messages. NLP then helps them reframe these thoughts and create new, empowering beliefs that better align with their authentic selves.
The Challenge of Rewriting Hardwired Beliefs
The challenge lies in the fact that these beliefs are not easily shaken off. They have been reinforced over years, becoming part of how individuals view themselves and the world. The hardwiring is so deep that even when people are aware of the damage societal expectations are causing them, they struggle to let go. It feels like breaking free would mean defying a fundamental part of their identity.
However, through consistent introspection and tools like NLP and graphology (handwriting analysis), individuals can start to see how their thoughts, attitudes, and behavioural patterns are reflections of these deeply embedded beliefs. For example, handwriting analysis can reveal subconscious beliefs about self-worth and control—two areas often influenced by societal standards.
When people begin to understand this hardwiring and work on shifting it, they experience profound changes in their emotional state. They feel more aligned with their true selves, and mental health issues like anxiety and depression often lessen as a result.
Moving Toward Authenticity and Mental Well-being
Rewriting the script of our internalised beliefs is not easy, but it is vital for mental well-being. We must begin by questioning the societal norms we’ve unconsciously adopted. Why do we value certain things? Why do we feel inadequate when we deviate from the script?
Once we start challenging these long-held beliefs, we can redefine success, happiness, and identity on our own terms. This may mean embracing non-traditional life choices, standing firm in our gender identity, or pursuing passions that others may not understand.
For parents, this shift might mean allowing your child to follow a path that genuinely excites them, rather than forcing them into a conventional mould. For individuals, it’s about embracing who you are without fear of judgement—understanding that societal norms are not always the best measure of your worth.
Creating an Inclusive Future
As a society, we have a collective responsibility to challenge the norms that harm mental well-being. We need to foster environments where individuals feel safe to express themselves authentically, without fear of being judged or shamed. This means creating spaces for open dialogue, embracing diversity, and redefining success in broader, more inclusive terms.
At Counsellation, we use a combination of psychology, NLP, and graphology to guide individuals through this process of self-discovery. By helping people identify the unconscious beliefs they’ve internalised, we enable them to break free from limiting societal norms and reclaim their mental and emotional well-being.
Mental health is deeply intertwined with societal expectations, but the good news is that we can challenge and change the narrative. By doing so, we move toward a world where authenticity is celebrated, and mental well-being thrives over conformity.
At Counsellation, we have started a dialogue in the form of a podcast series, "Hai Toh Hai," , to be launched soon, where we are diving deep into the mental health challenges that arise from societal norms and expectations. Through candid conversations with individuals from different walks of life—queer individuals, professionals, parents, and more—we explore their unique struggles and triumphs in navigating these invisible pressures. Our aim is to foster inclusivity, spark thoughtful conversations, and offer strategies for overcoming limiting beliefs. Join us on our Youtube channel as we shine a light on the hidden battles people face and work together to create a more accepting, understanding society, starting this Shubh Diwali, on November 1st, 2024.
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